Tags
google searches, hangovers, parenting woes, three-year old behavior, three-year old child, three-year old hitting, three-year old possessed, toddler tantrum
A list of my most recent Google searches:
- my three-year old is acting like she’s possessed
- I think my three-year old is possessed by demons
- why have demons invaded my child’s body?
- why is my three-year old acting like she’s completely insane?
- I’m pretty sure my three-year old is really an alien
- why are two-year olds such pains in the ass and three-year olds even bigger pains in the ass?
- what to do if my three-year old hits me
- what to do if my three-year old hits other kids at school
- what to do if my three-year old targets “gentle” kids at school?
- why does my child act like I’m asking her to solve the Hodge conjecture when I’m really just asking her to put on her sweater?
- how many shots of vodka should I do while my three-year old is throwing a tantrum?
- average number of tantrums a three-year old throws in a day
- average number of alcoholic drinks mothers of three-year olds consume per day
- time of day it’s appropriate to start drinking in American culture
- time of day it’s appropriate to start drinking in any culture
- why do I feel like death for two days straight after having a few/some/many cocktails?
- why does my child freak the fuck out during diaper changes?
- oldest nuerotypcial child on record who’s still in diapers
- why does my sanity have to depend on the amount of sleep I’m getting?
- how can I trick my mind and body into thinking I got enough sleep?
- why do I feel like a shell of myself?
- specific things I can say to successfully persuade my parents to move to my city
- why am I even bothering with you, google, because most of your search results lead me to sites that contain an inordinate amount of bullshit from bullshit-spewing motherf’ers who spew bullshit like I should be spanking my child if she hits me?
- fuck you, google