Zodkadeets (Seriously, who the ef am I?)

Hi, I’m Zodka Zeebler. You may remember me from such narratives as Put a Boob in it, That’s a Bad Kitty!, and I’m Gonna Fucking Puke. I share a wee dwelling with my peppy husband Babe, a boisterous elfin who I call E on this here blog, a fat, dready lap cat named Micheal MeowMeow, and our stealthy, murderous cat Bogey Bagoo Bakitty. Good times. Seriously, we have good times. Except when we don’t.

Speaking of dwelling, I’m an obsessive dweller. I dwell on bad things/people, sad things/people, vexing things/people. If you are also a dweller then you might like my dwelly writing style. If I keep writing the word dwell and you keep reading the word dwell, it will eventually lose all meaning. Cool, huh? Dwell.

I am also a diehard defensive pessimist. This means that for any given situation, I assume the worst possible outcome. Then, nine times out of ten, a very possibly super-crappy outcome will pleasantly surprise me by being a not-quite-as-crappy-as-I-assumed-it-would-be outcome. Pretty kick-ass, huh? Optimistic people make me sick. Did I tell you that Babe is an optimist? Go figure.

I wash my hands umpteen times a day. Did you know that the number one act of illness prevention is hand-washing? I hate getting sick. Do you like getting sick? Then wash your f-ing hands more so you don’t get sick and, hence, don’t get my kid or me sick. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. And don’t just stick your hands under the water and call it good. That’s disgusting and counter-productive.

Yes, I’m fucking crazy.

We live in Portland, OR, where sleeve tattoos are as ubiquitous as the hipsters they adorn. With every passing year in Pdx, the hater inside me expands like a constantly chafed ass boil. And yet here I am, and here I will stay, happily hating.

My daughter was born on February 12, 2011 and I work for her full time. She may not be the happiest baby on the block but she’s definitely the coolest and possibly the weirdest.

I’ve had a love affair with the color green since the day I was born. I’m obsessed with hummingbirds. I’ve swum with dolphins and manatees in the wild and, thus far, those experiences have been the most significant in my life besides meeting Babe and having my daughter.

I’m basically an urban-dwelling biophiliac constantly seeking out natural wonders in the city. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking — that I’m tree-hugging-granola-eating-save-the-whales hippie. Well, I will have you know that I don’t like granola very much because it’s too sweet. So there.

So, I’m really glad you’re here. Thanks for hittin’ my blog. It’s the only time I like being hit. Maybe.